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25 June 2009

To The Best Of Us

This evening I had my scariest moment as a parent.

Gretchen has been getting really good at rolling back to tummy, and can scoot herself 360 degrees on her back when the mood strikes her. Today she proved just how fast she can move.

I was packing up our bags to head to Gramma's (where the central air lives) and put Gretchen in the middle of my bed, as I always do when I'm getting things ready to go. I left the room to grab some things from the den and heard a surround sound THUD from down the hall and through the baby monitor in the office next to me.

I immediately knew what had happened.

I literally threw everything I was holding and ran to the bedroom to find my poor little babe on the floor beside our bed. She was on her belly, holding her head up high and crying.

I felt her little body, picked her up and hugged her to my chest. I'm sorry, baby. Mama's sorry. I love you. I'm sorry! I examined her all over to make sure she was alright as my heart stuck in my throat and tears came to my eyes.

She stopped crying less than a minute later, nuzzling into my neck -- already over it. I, however, was still traumatized. Images of broken bones and head injuries flooding my mind. I felt like such a terrible parent. I'd heard a million stories about babies falling off of beds and everyone says, "it happens to the best of us" but I still felt miserable. Almost embarrassed about what I'd let happen. Thankfully, she's a resilient little babe & no worse for the wear.

I called Ryan at work to tell him what I'd done. I felt so guilty. How could I have left her like that when she trusts me? She's completely fine, but the guilt is heavy.

Hours later, I'm at my Gramma's & Gretchen is sleeping in my bed in the spare room with a buffer of throw pillows at the edge of the bed. Live it, learn it.

I suppose I will try to look at the positive side of things -- Gretchen is getting so big & strong & mobile! She rolls! Quickly, it would seem! She's almost outgrown her bouncy chair & isn't impressed by her swing anymore. She chats to me all day and yesterday we swore we heard the 'da' sound come from her sweet little mouth.

My little girl is five months old and I sometimes pine for the newborn days (before she was able to throw herself from high surfaces causing me to feel like the world's worst parent). However, I must say that five months is also an incredibly fun age. It's incredible how fast she's learning, how active and curious her little mind is. I'm hanging on to her baby days but each time I look at her I swear she looks more and more like a little kid.

I love that little girl with everything I've got. I know that I will want to protect her forever and that it won't be possible, but I'll try my damnedest. I'll always be there for her, to quite literally pick her up when she falls. I know I won't always be able to catch her, but she's my girl and I can try.

Someday I will tell her the story about how she fell and she say "it happens to the best of us."

And she'll be right.



Blogger Holly Noelle said...

Poor Mama! I'm so sorry that happened! I'd be upset too, even though I know it happens all. the. time.

June 25, 2009 at 10:05 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

So glad to hear that Gretchen is okay. I hope you have recovered from your scare as well.

I love reading your blog because my little guy is 4 months old....it gives me a little peek ahead.

I'm taking this as a warning not to leave him in the middle of the bed, because I do the exact same thing. I can't believe that yesterday he couldn't even hold his head up and now he is about to roll and crawl and run and drive and graduate and ohmygod.....

June 25, 2009 at 10:21 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

Holly: It was quite the moment -- I'm feeling a little better now, merci!

Amanda: Awe, merci! It's so crazy how they learn all these things so quickly! I completely agree ^_^
Oh, and do you have a blog -- I'd love to see your little one!

June 25, 2009 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger SquiggleMum said...

I read your story and all I could think about was the moment my own daughter fell off my bed, at about the same age. She landed head first and had a HUGE bruise and egg on her little forehead. A quick trip to the doctor assured me that everything was ok, but the guilt was with me for quite some time! You need to know that you're still a great mom (mum!) - this happens to, um, the best of us...

June 25, 2009 at 11:15 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

Squiggle: Oh you poor mama!! I send many hugs and much love through the internet for you -- it's so scary! I'm glad your little one was just fine!

June 25, 2009 at 11:17 PM  
Blogger JJ Keith said...

Oh no! Our bed is a actually just a mattress on the floor, but I sometimes I leave her on the guest bed. Or I DID until I read this. I totally sympathize. I freak out over the tiniest mishaps, but let's be glad that adorable baby Gretchen is just fine and you are a wonderful mama.

June 25, 2009 at 11:22 PM  
Blogger mommymae said...

i'm so sorry you feel so badly. my son rolled off of the bed while sleeping at my grandparents' house. he was wedged between the bed & the pack & play (that he wouldn't sleep in!) he was fine. gretchen is fine. mama's a little worse for the wear.

June 25, 2009 at 11:26 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

Thank you for the comments -- you're all saying the things I need to hear!
Much love!

June 25, 2009 at 11:46 PM  
Blogger mikki roo said...

I can vividly remember the first time that happened to me (yes, it happened more than once... 2 kids, you'd think I'd remember how fast they develop!!) and I felt sick, scared and angry (at myself) all at once. You're a very good mom, okay?!!

June 26, 2009 at 12:21 AM  
Blogger Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

It certainly does.

And often.

You survived her first owie. Doesn't it suck? It's like someone inserted a pin into your protective bubble and you realize (though you already "knew") that no one is exempt from mistakes.


Glad she's ok. And 5 months old is a FABULOUS age. So alert and sweet!

June 26, 2009 at 1:12 AM  
Blogger Heart Felt said...

You poor thing! - you know we have all done it, so don't feel bad.....at least we only do it once! xx

June 26, 2009 at 1:24 AM  
Blogger Zi said...

Oh dear! I'm glad she's ok, but know just how much incidents like that can get your heart racing. It always seems to upset the parent more than the baby.

June 26, 2009 at 6:37 AM  
Blogger Suzannah said...

aww glad she's ok, shes just *adorable*

June 26, 2009 at 7:28 AM  
Blogger Joy said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

June 26, 2009 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger Joy said...

Oh and it happens. (()) DS1 fell off (for the first time) aged just 14 weeks, I woke as he rolled out of my arms.. DS2, DD1 and DD2 haven't fallen from beds, simply because we switched to a mattress on the floor to avoid the surround sound thud becoming too frequent a part of our households soundtrack!

Silly accidents that I *should* have prevented happen all too often here.. a good strong cuddle and a few tears later and we're all OK. Bruised and bumped, but happy and healthy. =)

June 26, 2009 at 8:55 AM  
Blogger The Red Fantastic said...

I don't know anyone this HASN'T happened to! It hasn't to me yet but Ava isn't rolling that much. Every time I leave the room, I get scared she will do something like that and I am trying to keep her off surfaces like that, but she's fine now...I just don't know when that magical moment will be that she decides to go, go go! Anyway, yes - I don't know a single human being who didn't roll off something as a baby :) You're a great mama.

June 26, 2009 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger disenchanted said...

mmy cousin managed to fall down a flight of stairs with her babe when she was about 3/4 months, it really does happen to everyone in some way!

August 1, 2009 at 6:45 AM  

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