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24 July 2009

Attachment Parenting: A Family Affair

This afternoon my mother took Gretchen for a few hours & I treated my little brother to the new Harry Potter movie.

About 1/2 way through the movie I get a phone call my mother (so I rush out of the theatre as not to be THAT PERSON with the cell phone). My mom was calling to tell me that Gretchen was cranky and that she was only happy being held.

My response? "Yeah? So hold her."

My mother went on to say how she wasn't used to holding a baby all the time and that Gretchen wasn't happy to be down playing on a blanket or anything like that. I'd even sent a sling, but my mother (who I get my stubbornness from) doesn't really understand the whole babywearing/attachment parenting "thing" that I am doing.

I tried to explain: Gretchen is happy being held. She is also happy in the sling which frees up your arms. Pick one, and she'll be content all day long.

I think my mom's mind is still a little boggled by how I go about things.

Eventually she may learn that my babe doesn't cry in the sling, only fusses a wee bit when she's hungry and that YES I will pop my boob out in front of the entire food court at the mall and NO I don't care if I'm making anyone uncomfortable (which is a whole other story).

How do you deal with differences in opinion within your family/friends? Do you have parents who just don't understand your philosophies? Are they willing to learn?

I do think my mother does just fine caring for Gretchen for a few hours here & there -- but I KNOW it would make it easier on her if she just followed my lead.

Sigh. Someday.

Labels: , ,

15 Comments:

Blogger Melissa said...

I'm not a parent or anything but parenting styles seem to change every generation. Just think how it used to be acceptable to hit your kid with a belt or a wooden spoon... that never flies these days (or at least not so extremely common like it was). These days psychology is finding it's all about positive reinforcement and negative punishment rather than positive punishment. These concepts weren't around when our parents raised us and when they were raised. So I think due to the generation gap it's hard for your mom to get attachment parenting and I'm sure Gretchen some day will have differences in parenting techniques from you. I really just think it's inevitable that parenting changes through the generations.

July 24, 2009 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

It's so true -- it's almost amazing how much things change over the years. So many contradicting forms of advice -- we all think we're doing it right, so I suppose that's what counts.
I hope my mama and I will see eye to eye and that she'll respect my choice -- but I definitely understand where she is coming from.

July 24, 2009 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger JJ Keith said...

It's not just family. I have been interviewing day care providers for Baby Bea. Today one asked me, "Is she spoiled?" And I was like, "It hasn't come up yet as she's SIX MONTHS OLD." She went on to explain, "I mean, does she expect to be held all the time?" Because that's spoiling a baby? Jeesh! Needless to say, she will not be providing day care for us.

July 25, 2009 at 1:01 AM  
Blogger Hila said...

I disagree with my parents over most things, so I anticipate that I will disagree with them about babies in the future. I usually try to see their point of view as they have been on the planet longer than me, but ultimately, I know my own mind, as do you. I rather like your baby sling :)

July 25, 2009 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

JJ: Oh gosh -- that is so miserable :S Gretchen isn't in daycare, but I do leave her at the gym daycare and the woman there wears her in the sling almost the whole time! It's so nice!

Hila: Yeah, my mom and I don't always see eye to eye, but hopefully we can all make this run fairly smoothly! (And thank you -- I don't know what I'd do without my slings!)

July 25, 2009 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger m a m a :: m i l i e u said...

It's a blessing AND a curse living so far away from family--we live in California and our families live in North Carolina--3,000 miles away. We miss having them here to help, but at the same time we relish the fact that, for the most part, we remained untouched by their criticisms and judgement about our alternative, liberal and AP style parenting which they, also, don't understand.

I'd wouldn't trade being able to do it our way every day for living closer to family and getting a little help now and then for anything in the whole wide world. Is that horrible, or what???

July 25, 2009 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

Hah, not horrible at all!
Our families are both very close -- mine live about 5 minutes from us and his are about an hour away.
There's some good and some bad with it -- but mostly it's just fine.

July 25, 2009 at 2:30 PM  
Blogger Cody said...

I disagree with my parents about pretty much everything... politics, religion, the treatment of animals (I have this silly idea that cats are not "disposable pets" that don't deserve health care or decent food) and various other things that make it nearly impossible for us to have a real conversation.

We are fairly sure we aren't having children, but if we did our parenting style would probably be a lot like yours... and our parents would hate it.

I think it really comes down to the fact that parents have already been there, and figure their way was best... and maybe see a differing view from their adult child as a criticism of the way they were raised.

July 25, 2009 at 6:52 PM  
Blogger Elly said...

I'm not a parent, but I DO admire your parenting style. I'm a big fan of if it works for you, then rock it (because it doesn't matter what anyone else says) and I think you guys are rocking it just fine :)

July 25, 2009 at 8:10 PM  
Blogger lililly said...

Ergh everyone has there own way of doing it and thinks they are right.
I have alot of problems (as you already know) because i don't breast feed. And at the moment, here in this country at least, breast feeding and attachment parenting is the only right and good way to do things and if you dont you get dragged over the coals for it.

As for parenting style im lucky as my personal brand of it is kinda a mix of both old school world and new attachement parenting - so i can mix in with both worlds when i need to. I think its fun, and love to, wear my baby. I dont think it was spoiling him when i held him all the time or when i rocked him to sleep. but i also have a baby who ive taught to self sooth and goes to sleep on his own which is great for when im visiting the parents! ;)

July 26, 2009 at 2:18 AM  
Blogger sarah said...

hi - i'm sarah. new mommy as well. my daughter, lucia, is four-months old. your daughter is beautiful; love her name too.

July 27, 2009 at 10:55 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

Hello Sara -- thanks for visiting!!

July 27, 2009 at 11:42 PM  
Blogger sarah said...

Our parenting styles are very similar. And let me tell ya, my mom does not get the baby wearing bit. Every time I have Lucia in her ring sling she tells me to "get her out and put her out of her misery". Um, the babe is not crying, but IS happily looking about and cozy.

July 30, 2009 at 10:55 PM  
Blogger sarah said...

I'm all for breastfeeding whenever as well. (My mom says I feed her too much).

July 30, 2009 at 10:56 PM  
Blogger Desiree Fawn said...

Sounds like our moms are of similar schools of thought!

Hopefully we can both just keep doing what feels right & not feel the pressure!

July 30, 2009 at 11:09 PM  

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