The Toddler & The Knitted Boob

The other day, I picked it up and it was soggy from her trying to grab a sippy sip. She's quite the character. I have to tell you, mes amis, I love having a nursing toddler. It's a whole new world of breastfeeding. Being able to talk about it with her is such a blessing. Absolutely beautiful.

On Anticipation & Disappointment

Yesterday our berry picking attempt was thwarted by a rather powerful thunderstorm. We pulled to the side of the road to wait things out -- drops so thick we couldn't see the road.

Gretchen didn't understand that our adventure wasn't going to happen until we were back in town, near our home... a little voice piped up from the backseat...

We go farm? Pick staw-bewwies?

Tears as big as the raindrops fell from her cheeks when I told her we couldn't go berry picking in the storm. Such a heartbreaking moment. I ached for her.

Generally, when some big event like this is nearing, I say nothing to her. I wait til it's upon us before springing the exciting news. In this case, someone spilled the beans to her earlier in the morning, and so her entire day was spent dreaming of strawberries.

I often find myself struggling somewhere between wanting to give her the thrill of anticipation, and the urge to protect her from disappointment. It's a fine line and I walk it daily.

Two is a tricky age for explaining the world, but we do our best.

How do you handle this sort of thing with your little ones? I don't want to rob her of that wonderful feeling that comes when we're looking forward to something, but my soul cries for her when things don't work out as planned.

I can't protect her forever... this I know. But my gosh, it's hard not to try.

Guest Post: On Being An Attached Nanny with Birth Routes' Amber Morrisey

I'm really honoured to share this beautiful post with you today, mes amis. As an attachment parenting mama, I know that when I was searching for someone to care for my daughter, many aspects of my parenting style became my reason for choosing the wonderful daycare that she now attends. It's not impossible to find a caregiver to mesh with the way you enjoy raising your children. Read on as Amber Morrisey of Birth Routes gives an in depth look into her life as an attachment parenting nanny. She's also included some wonderful tips for finding an AP style caregiver for your own children. Brilliant!

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I'm not a huge fan of labeling people in general, but if I must, you'd hear me say I'm an attachment parenting style nanny.

Attachment is a natural process of bonding with the children I mind, but I'm talking a bit past just the attachment of being close to someone day in and day out, I'm talking about the entire way of caring and treating the children I mind.

As a nanny, I treat the children I mind as if they were my own (or, as close to that as one can imagine, since I do not have my own children to contrast to). I strive to achieve a deep bond with them, form strong relationships based on trust, and "parent" to their cues. This to me is just normal, so I find it hard to describe in some ways.

I am recently in a new nanny job, and at the beginning of our relationship together. As a care provider, I have so much catching up to do - learning to identify subtle cues, what they like and what they don't, sleeping styles and personalities. So much to learn about these two new children in my life, and it takes a lot of attention and hands on loving care as possible. I babywear my nannybabies as much as possible, including wearing both at the same time (they are 8 months and 12 months), I love to undoonesie snaps and get in some good skin-to-skin back rubs, I rock them to sleep in my arms or lay with them depending on their moods. One is bottle fed by me during the day (breastfed by mom when together), and I try to simulate the environment of closeness, holding him for feeds and talking to him. He isn't one to look at me when feeding, and I respect that, we hold hands instead.

The sun is high in the sky, this Friday afternoon, as we curl up together on the bed.
You are cuddled in as I wrap my arm around you, patting the belly of the baby on your side. Some fussing, like usual as you drift off to sleep, eyes popping open to ensure I am still here even though I'm singing and we are touching. You always take a bit longer to let go, as your sweaty hair curls against the pillow. I lay here next to you both wondering if you dream together as you fall asleep within ten minutes of each other. Watching as you both enter stillness, then later restlessness of sleep. I know one of you has to pee, as you often do about 45 minutes into dreamland, waking only slightly, then back to sleep. One of you wakes before the other, with a stretch and wide eyes, I take you for a pee and when I return the other baby is stirring awake also. Ready for hugs, and a new diaper, and a snack and a play. Just another sleepy nap, midday.

So why do I bother being all attached and connected? What is the big deal?

Simple - these children are away from the warmth of their parents arms, put into a strangers. That is a lot of stress on their systems already. My goal as an attached caregiver is for the children to feel loved and cared for, and trust me fully so that they can bloom as close to as they would with their parents - I want them to be in a state of peace. I want them to know I understand them, or I am trying my very hardest. To feel validated, respected and heard. Sometimes part of being attached is just easier I couldn't imagine trying to provide care to 2 children without the help of my many carriers. And sometimes I assume it's harder (although, I can't confirm this, since I've never been not me, so you know), I don't prop bottles, or ignore cues, or close my ears off to them. I don't let them cry to sleep alone, or care for them in any way that is all that more convenient for the care provider, but difficult on them. I do allow them room to grow, and crawl, and gain independence away for me, of course. It's beautiful to watch.

Sure, I push a stroller (with two carriers in the bottom just in case), I cannot always answer every cry immediately if I'm busy with the another (but I talk through it, letting them know why and when I will be able to), and sometimes I know the 8 month old is popping and I'm not able to take him to the toilet because I'm otherwise busy. I'm not perfect. But who is, right?

I get asked a lot how to find someone who is like me....or people trying to hire me. In my experience, it can take time to find someone who lines up well with your belief system and also what you can afford and what you need.

• I post ads on Craigslist and Kijiji. I often rotate different ads, one more generic ad and one more detailed including words like "attachment parenting", "cloth diapers", "babywearing", in hopes that people using the search functions on the site will find it.
• Do the same, search the site for similar key words and try to not only find caregivers, but also families that pull up those words, tell them you are looking for an AP nanny or whatever you are looking for.
• Tell your friends that parent in a similar way that you are looking for a caregiver, most of my nanny jobs are nanny-shares where the families split my wages 50/50, making it more affordable for them.
• When hosting your interviews, try to not tell them your whole philosophy of raising your child, ask them open ended questions like "how do you discipline", "what do you think of bed sharing", "do you know how to heat and handle breastmilk", "what do you think of cloth diapers" etc. This will give you a better insight into what they actual believe, then just landing a job.
• Check references! Ask previous families specific questions as well, not just did they work there, for how long etc. Nanny references are more than just checking on employment, they offer amazing insight into how the nanny helps to raise your family.
• Consider a co-parent co-op childcare share. Find like minded families and organize alternating care amoungst yourselves for more part-time relief, it can also work on a full-time basis, but I've seen it work much better part-time.
• Join parenting groups online that align with your beliefs, and tell them you are looking for childcare. Spread the word.

At the end of the day, I'm not an "attachment parenting nanny", I'm just one caring person in the village that raises them. Warm arms ready to snuggle, fingers for tickling, and a shoulder to sleep against. I'm just "parenting" in how I'd like to be treated, fairly, with compassion and with love.

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Amber Morrisey is a nanny, birth & postpartum doula, Reiki practitioner, placenta encapsulator and babywearing educator. You can read more at her blog, Birth Routes.

On Feeling Good

Some nights, when things are going particularly smoothly, I try to help Gretchen fall asleep without buckies (aka nursing) to prepare her for the stretch of nights when I will be in San Diego this August.

Some nights she is happy to fall asleep with daddio, but due to weird work schedules, these nights are few and far between.

Some nights, like last night, I tried my best to help her to bed without buckies and I failed. Or at least I thought I was failing.

She sobbed. Buckies, mama. Please buckies? I spoke softly. Not tonight, baby. Lay down, I'll pat your back.

Please buckies?

No baby.

Buckies?

No, no.

Until her tears were too much and I could feel our close connection slipping away.

And so I gave in. But I won't say gave in, actually. I did what felt right. In my mind, these words streaming across the back of my eyelids...

... feeling good is more important than being "right".

Rarely have truer words been uttered. And so I held her to my chest as she nursed, sweaty and sweet. And I sang to her til she was deeply sleeping.

And it felt so good.

Thank You For The Penguins

If you happened to catch a few of my tweets tonight, you know that bedtime was total sucko. Despite giving it our best, Gretchen really prefers her mama to put her to bed. (Boobs = happy baby.) However, with reality setting in, a burnt out mama, and the fact that I'll be gone for four days early this August, I really need G to fall asleep a little easier for poor daddio, who gets a facefull of scream with each attempt. This feels partially selfish to me, and partially DUH, as in, why haven't we been able to figure this out yet?

Sitting downstairs listening to my child scream put all sorts of crazy thoughts into my head... I'm inferior, I'm a failure, I've done something wrong. These things probably aren't true, but I also know I'm not the only one shaking those dirty thoughts around in her head.

Tonight, I thank those of you who tweeted happy thoughts my way, and assured me that I'm not a craptastic mama and that a glass of wine would do wonders on a night like this. (Though I may have to make do with a shot of rum.) Thank you for being supportive fellow parents who know how it feels to be in these shoes. I appreciate having you on my side more than I can express. Thank you for holding my hand, for your kind words and for sending me happy videos of baby penguins being tickled to help cheer me up.

I am happy to report that my spirited two year old is now fast asleep. And everyone's still alive.

And just in case you're having a bummy night too...

Moments In The Park

I feel really good inside when I see our shadows like this, wrapped up in each other, two as one. I feel so honoured to be a mother. 

Actually... I feel so honoured to be her mother.

On Toddlers & Chutzpah

On Saturday afternoon, at my grandmother's birthday celebration, Gretchen grabbed her third cookie off of the buffet table, and I took it away.

"No, no, sweetie. You can have a strawberry, or this piece of cheese, or this melon."

Cute flailing baby meltdown.

We'd been there a few hours, and she'd been snacking her way around the table the entire time, and really didn't need to eat her third (although sugar-free) cookie, and so I put it back on the tray. We left the kitchen, Screamy McGee trying out her best circus maneuvers to escape my grasp, and I brought her to an empty bedroom to chill out (away from the darty-eyed glances of my grandmother's friends). Gretchen threw herself on the ground a little, I sat on the carpet beside her and told her, "It's ok to feel like this. I know you're frustrated." Eventually she calmed down and we had a snuggle. She told me she was "sowwy" and gave me a kiss. And after I made her promise not to scream anymore, we opened the door to rejoin the shindig.

Gretchen ran ahead into the living room and I made a detour to the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee. And as I sipped, I leaned against the fridge, happy with how I'd handled things. So proud of my little girl.

And then she walked up to me, happily munching on that same third cookie. Smiling the biggest smile.

And I just smiled back, and kept on sipping.

An Ode To Babywearing

Ring sling, 16-months.

There are several things which I believe passionately in as a mother -- one of those things is babywearing.

I have been wearing Gretchen in a variety of slings since she was born and have always felt completely safe and secure in doing so. A lot of fear has been promoted against babywearing in recent months after the recall of the Infantino SlingRider, a bag sling, which was involved in loss of several sweet little babies. Since this recall, to the detriment of all, some people have assumed that all forms of babywearing must be unsafe.

I am here to tell you that babywearing IS safe.

Babies belong in our arms and it pains me to see loving mamas fearful of such a wonderful part of motherhood.

The benefits of babywearing are indisputable. Closeness, safety, bonding, breastfeeding ease, developmental benefits and more. Speaking for myself, babywearing has created an incredibly strong connection between my daughter and I. We have used some type of sling nearly every single day of her life -- when she's happy, when she's sick, during our first & only trip to the hospital, when she's feeling overwhelmed, when she just needs to be held, when she wants to help out, when we go for long walk, when we visit friends. Babywearing is a HUGE part of our lives and I feel that it has become a defining part of who I am as a mother. I am rarely without a sling on my shoulder, or in my purse (just in case). When Gretchen sees her slings or carrier she immediately asks to be picked up, arms high in the air, waiting to snuggle. I have and continue to have so many wonderful and beautiful moments with my daughter because of the glorious art of babywearing. I can't imagine living life any other way.

Wear your babies proudly and spread the word!

A refresher, from Steph of Adventures in Babywearing fame:
♥ Your baby should be in a position similar to holding them in your arms
♥ You should be able to kiss the top of their head
♥ Your chest, back, or sling fabric should not obstruct baby's face
♥ Do not wear a carrier that is too tight or too loose, or not properly fastened
♥ Read and follow your carrier's instruction manual
♥ Be aware of baby's temperature; don't let them get too hot or too cold
♥ Do not perform any activities that you wouldn't normally do while holding your baby in your arms

CuddlyWrap, 4-months.

Ergo, 7-months.


Ring sling, 19-months.

Some favourite babywearing posts from the past:
♥ Always My Baby
♥ This Mama Has More Slings Than Shoes
♥ A Year Of Babywearing
♥ We Just Can't Get Enough Of Babywearing
♥ Babywearing Love

Join the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance Facebook page to stay involved & read their position paper.
Also visit Adventures in Babywearing to share your own babywearing story.

Peace & love, mes amis.
Happy babywearing.

The 2010 Breastfeeding Challenge

This morning Gretchen & I participated in our 2nd Breastfeeding Challenge in honour of World Breastfeeding Week. (You might remember that we went to this event last year as well!) It was held at our local movie theatre again and we had a wonderful time with friends -- nursing & chatting & afterward we all watched the BABIES documentary. So sweet. I'm glad we're making this a sort of tradition! (Unlike last year, Gretchen is now much to on-the-move to put up with sitting in my lap the entire time, so she ran about, munched on her cheddar bunnies and shouted things at the screen -- she really does take after me!)

Hope you're all having a wonderful Saturday, no matter what you're up to!

Did any of you take part in the Breastfeeding Challenge in your area?

And All The Best To Your And Your Nurslings

To wrap up World Breastfeeding Week, I'd just like to share with you a few of my previous posts about my nursing relationship with Gretchen.

Wishing You All The Breast

Breastfeeding, La Leche & The Coming Of Spring

Sticking With It: Our Breastfeeding Story

Because A Hungry Baby Can Happen Anytime & Anywhere

Cosleeping, Cribs & Doing What Feels Right

You Can't Phase Me

Have a fabulous Saturday, mes amis!

In Honour Of World Breastfeeding Week

I originally published this post last spring & I'd like to share it with you again today to celebrate World Breastfeeding Week (August 1-7).

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Earlier today I was nursing Gretchen in her sling while waiting in line at the store when a woman approached us. I was a little anxious because I had noticed her staring at me. She touched my arm and just as I was getting ready to defend my right to breastfeed in public she said, "It's so beautiful to see you nursing your child. It's really beautiful".

I couldn't believe it.

I had been expecting to be verbally flayed by a nosy onlooker and instead she praised me and smiled.

I think I'm still in shock.

All this time I had it all worked out in my head what I might say if someone said something negative to me about feeding my child in public, but never once did I imagine that I might be commended for it.

To the woman in the store, thank you.
I will always remember that moment.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week, mes amis.

PS. Gretchen's homebirth story was published on Birth Routes this afternoon. Click here if you'd like to take a peek.

PPS. I haven't forgotten about my blogoversary giveaway -- it's coming soon, I promise!

Because Sometimes Life's A Beautiful Blur

Last night I read the following tweet:

@OmahaBabyLady: Loves cosleeping. Helps me reconnect with the baby part of my toddling girl

I couldn't agree more.

Every time Gretchen slows down enough for a snuggle, I soak it all in, knowing that the next time she takes a break might not be for hours in her wild, runabout, busy, busy life. At the end of the day, I nurse her to sleep and we read stories while snuggling under the covers. Later, I crawl back into bed with her and we cozy up for hours of sleepy bliss. In the morning we wake and she pins me down to nurse in her drowsy state, not wanting me to get out of bed -- not until she's had her fill.

Sometimes I'm eager to get up, to get moving, to get things done, to start the day -- but there's nothing sweeter than hugging your baby. And so I do. A lot.

Here's to a beautiful Saturday morning, mes amis.

(And don't forget the hugs.)

This Mama Has More Slings Than Shoes

My babywearing collection has grown again & if you're in the market for a ring sling, I would highly recommend visiting BabyEtte. I recently bought this batik beauty & I'm absolutely in love. The fabric is fantastic, the sling is superbly made & it's long/wide enough that I can wear her in every way imaginable.

This, of course, would be Gretchen's favourite way to be slung:

I can't tell you how many times this exact position has saved us while out running errands. I've done entire grocery shopping trips just like this.

Happy baby, happy mama.

Photos taken by the boy.

Happy Father's Day, Daddio!

Thank you for being such an awesome dad to the coolest kid we ever could have hoped for.

We make a pretty good team, you and I!

Happy Father's Day.

Striking A Balance

I often forget to take some time for myself while Gretchen is napping. Since it's one of the only times that I can get any work done during the day, I usually sit at my computer, frantically typing away until she wakes and I ignore that part of me that needs to sit for a moment & recharge.

Today, however, I took a little mama time & sat outside with my tea, my edamame and my guilty pleasure novel.

Edamame from frozen, zapped 3 minutes on high, dash of salt.

English breakfast, teaspoon of honey, splash of milk.

One of my most favourite Pyrex patterns.

I think I really ought to have the word balance tattooed on my body somewhere as a constant reminder of that oh so difficult to master attachment parenting principle.

I always feel better when I take the time to relax, instead of worrying about the next thing that hastobedonerightnow.

Plus, I think Gretchen must have intuitively known that I was enjoy a mama moment this afternoon: she napped for 3 1/2 hours.

This Mama's A Ring Slinger

This is what nursing a sleepy 16 1/2-month-old in a ring sling looks like.

While I was off at a friend's birthday luncheon this afternoon, the little miss refused to nap for daddio and so this evening she only wanted to nurse & snuggle & doze off in the sling. Once again, babywearing solves every problem -- I even cooked dinner like this.

PS. I promise to share our IKEA finds from the other day very soon.
PPS. Dinner tonight = cauliflower/lentil curry with quinoa.
PPPS. Check out my latest Mom Ok'd post.

Babywearing Dads Make Me Swoon

August 2009

This photo of the boy & the babe made it on babywearingdads.tumblr.com. I love this picture so much. He wore her in the Ergo for about eight hours over the course of that hot, summery day.

PS. You can read my Organic Ergo Carrier review on Mom Ok'd.

She Walks, Ladies & Gents

My mind has been officially blown. In the last two weeks she's gone from a scooter to a strutter. She walks, almost all the time -- all around the house, in the backyard, through the park. She doesn't want to sit in her Chariot, but she'll still let me wear her. She really just wants to put her feet on the ground and go, go, go.

My tiny baby is a little girl.

Last night she slept through the night for the first time ever. From 8pm til 6am, she slept on her own little mattress at the foot of our bed. At around six she woke up and crawled into bed with us for some early morning snuggles & milk. She'll always be welcome in our bed, but it's lovely to see her feeling comfortable enough to sleep on her own.

Who knows what tonight will bring.

It's amazing what can be accomplished in just under sixteen months.

Babywearing Love

I've been loving the ring sling lately.

When it's really warm out I love being able to wear her with just a simple piece of fabric. It's lightweight, versatile, I can toss it in my bag or simple wear it around my torso while she walks hand in hand.

I've been getting excited about the idea of offering babywearing workshops to my doula clients in the future. I don't profess to be any kind of expert when it comes to babywearing, but I have learned a LOT over this past 15 1/2 months. Wraps, slings, mei tais, soft structured carriers -- I've got them all & I can't wait to share.

What's your favourite way to wear your baby? Is a babywearing workshop something you think you'd take part in? Any input would be really helpful in my planning. You guys are a wealth of information & I'm so grateful for your comments!

Thanks friends!

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Beyond So Fawned: Two new reviews on Mom Ok'd, here & here, as well as some bathtime fun over on Mom Spark.

Birthdays, Babywearing & All The Best

I just came across this lovely birthday post, written by my wonderful neighbour Caren & just had to share this photo:

I am so in love with this image!

Many thanks to Caren, and lots of love to everyone who sent their happy birthday wishes my way yesterday!

My birthday celebrations went off without a hitch (including Gretchen being put to bed by her babysitter) and I know that this year holds goodness & love, happiness and beautiful memories. I will enjoy each day & soak it all in. Many photos will be taken, many changes will be had and I look forward to it all! There will be good, there will be bad -- but all will be taken in stride, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. You've all been so good to me and I thank you for being such a special part of my life.

Happy Sunday, little fawners!

Peace!