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16 May 2011

On Feeling Good

Some nights, when things are going particularly smoothly, I try to help Gretchen fall asleep without buckies (aka nursing) to prepare her for the stretch of nights when I will be in San Diego this August.

Some nights she is happy to fall asleep with daddio, but due to weird work schedules, these nights are few and far between.

Some nights, like last night, I tried my best to help her to bed without buckies and I failed. Or at least I thought I was failing.

She sobbed. Buckies, mama. Please buckies? I spoke softly. Not tonight, baby. Lay down, I'll pat your back.

Please buckies?

No baby.

Buckies?

No, no.

Until her tears were too much and I could feel our close connection slipping away.

And so I gave in. But I won't say gave in, actually. I did what felt right. In my mind, these words streaming across the back of my eyelids...

... feeling good is more important than being "right".

Rarely have truer words been uttered. And so I held her to my chest as she nursed, sweaty and sweet. And I sang to her til she was deeply sleeping.

And it felt so good.

Labels: Attachment Parenting, Breastfeeding, Cosleeping, Life, My Little Fawn