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11 March 2011

Waiting On Tomorrow

Today kicked my ass.

Today kicked my ass while I was down. 

I've been trying to write a post about... well, I'm not sure what, because for the past few days each time I've tried to start a post it's come out mush, which is exactly how my mind feels at this point. It's been a rough week/month/season and despite constantly searching for that end in sight... but it's hard. Really hard.

I haven't slept in weeks. Not more than a couple hours a night... rarely in succession. I ought to be in bed right this moment, but I need to type things out... I need this catharsis I think, in order to clear my mind for a rest. Every single night for the last few weeks has seen my little girl waking with screams until I come to her side. She only wants to sleep on top of me, nursing fitfully throughout the night, shrieking loudly in between. A little while ago we battled bronchitis and a severe ear infection (poor darling) and now chicken pox (though I'm happy she's getting them young, and thankfully her case his quite mild). However, this screaming phase is really getting to me. Isn't forcing someone to stay awake some form of torture? I said today that this was a hundred times harder than having a newborn. At least a newborn doesn't throw things or hit you when they are frustrated. It's breaking my heart to see her so frustrated. I've been told I need to "do something" about this phase, but what exactly does that mean? I'm barely feeling human at this point, though I did get to shower today, but I refuse to force her into anything, especially while she's feeling under the weather. Why is it that people who aren't parenting your child always have the "best" advice for them? (Can you hear me grumbling under my breath?)

This morning, after a night of tossing and turning with the little miss, I woke up to a flooded basement. Flooded for the third time in ten days. And then I got some other bad news which leaves us in a financial mess with a few quick decisions needing to be made. And then the snow started falling again and I'm practically on my knees, begging for springtime and sunshine and a new season to make this one distant and less terrible. 


If you made it this far, thank you. I don't always like to share all the crappy bits of life here with you, but sometimes I need to get it all out and it comes out my fingertips the fastest. So thank you for being here and thank you for, well, everything. 

Deep breaths, one, bye one.

This is the part where I say "tomorrow is another day", and you know what? It's true, and I do believe good things are on their way for me... even if they seem far off, and even if I don't sleep more than an hour tonight, I know there are things in life to be grateful for. Hundreds of things to be grateful for and so I'll count them as I drift off (with fingers crossed that my gorgeous girl sleeps through the night). 

Peace, mes amis. 

Tomorrow will be lovely. 

Because it needs to be.

Tea love.

Today... I don't know about today...